First Annual Mock Mock Draft

By Justin Taylor

Over the next month there will be hundreds if not thousands of Mock Drafts done by every sports website, magazine and news publication.  The reason is that people like me (and you apparently) cannot wait for the actual draft to happen.  Some of them mimic the draft process and others make a mockery of it.  I plan to land somewhere in the middle with the First Annual Trapped in Golden State Mock Mock Draft.

Sometimes I wonder if some of these sites are pulling names out of a hat, rigging the draft to get their team a good pick or having a 4 year old fill the form out in crayon; then they update it over and over until the page is just a big colorful mess.  I plan on doing a follow up scorecard after the draft so I can clearly document just how much time I’ve wasted following what these draft “experts” are saying.  I just want ESPN.com, Nbadraft.net, draftexpress.com, Yahoo Sports the Mercury News and the Chronicle to be warned, someone is scoring your garbage this year.  I also plan on having a contest (for the most awesome Trapped in Golden State T-shirt anyone has ever given you) for the reader who comes closest to the cup in projecting the lottery so look for that later in the week.

Lets see if my first shot at it can stand up to the “professionals” without taking the process too seriously or rigging it for the Warriors too badly.

Has an eye brow (literally one eyebrow) ever received so much attention?

1. New Orleans Hornets: Unibrow / PF / Kentucky / Freshman

You heard it hear first, I called it…stone cold lock.  No one saw that coming.  I considered putting another name here just to see how much hate mail I could generate.  This draft slot should put all the NBA Draft Lottery conspiracy theories right to bed, no?  If it were allowed the Hornets would have signed him up on stage at the draft lottery.  The only questions left is whether he’ll wear a god-awful suit and will he split the “brow” for draft night?  Maybe I’m the only one who was paying attention but I feel like that thing got bigger and more defined since Kentucky won the NCAA tounament.  Has anyone told him this isn’t like growing your first beard or mustache?  I think I need to move on.

2. Charlotte Bobcats: Harrison Barnes / SF / North Carolina / Sophomore 

The Bobcats proved that tanking harder then anyone in the history of the game does not get you an extra ping pong ball.  Since the whole thing is rigged any way I wonder if this is just a subtle middle finger back at Michael Jordan for that season he played minor league baseball.  They do need a Small Forward but I’m pretty sure not even GM Rich Cho thinks (as if his opinion matters) that Harrison Barnes is the best player on the board.  But the team is going to suck anyway so you might as well take a kid from one of the real pro teams in the state (the Tar Heels and Duke were both better then the Bobcats this year) so you could sell some tickets.  The thing that turned me off on Barnes was the fact he was talking about his “brand” before he even arrived at North Carolina.  Maybe Jordan can help him sell shoes but we all know he blows when it comes to scouting and cultivating talent.

3. Washington Wizards: Michael Kidd-Gilchrist / SF / Kentucky / Freshman

I think MKG will go second but if he lands here it will be the first good influence the Wizards have put next to John Wall since he got there.  This kid has got more work ethic then JaVale McGee, Nick Young and Andray Blatche combined and squared.
            

4. Cleveland Cavaliers: Andre Drummond / C / UCONN / Freshman

They have got Kryrie Irving and little else.  They probably think they have the Power Forward spot sewn up with Tristan Thompson and Sideshow Bob (aka Anderson Varejo) so I think they take a chance on a true center with extreme boom or bust potential.   I say he’ll be a booming bust.  I heard he destroyed Yi Jianlian’s chair in his latest workout though.

5. Sacramento Kings: Bradley Beal / SG/ Florida / Freshman

They’re probably crossing their fingers that Drummond falls to them so they can field one of the biggest frontlines in the history of the league.  What they have is one of the most immature rosters in the league and they’re about to end up with another teenager.   Hopefully they hire a life coach to assist Keith Smart and someone to continue shitting on the fans when the Maloofs get tired and dehydrated.

6. Portland Trailblazers / Damian Lillard / PG / Weber State / Junior

Raymond Felton started looking like he was ready to stop eating his way out of the league right around the time he realized his contract was about to expire.  Portland needs a future point and some slashing ability and I hear Lillard can provide the scoring but I wouldn’t know.  I couldn’t even guess where Weber State is.  People around the country might be saying the same thing about Golden State right now.

7. Golden State Warriors / Thomas Robinson / PF / Kansas / Junior

If it played out this way I don’t see how the Warriors go any other direction.  If he’s not here (and that’s a pretty sure bet) I’m glad it’s not me pulling the trigger.  I don’t want Harrison Barnes’ “brand” or Andre Drummond’s lack of skill.  I could go for Dion Waiters slashing ability and I do like Terrance Jones ability to guard multiple positions but not at number 7.  I can’t help but feel like a package of picks for someone who can contribute this year is the way to go.  Since I don’t see anyone else helping this season I see a full column’s worth of trade proposals coming on. 

Here are my top ten hopes for the thought process behind this pick:

1. Thomas Robinson or Bradley Beal fall into our laps
2. Trade
3. Dion Waiters
4. Trade
5. Harrison Barnes
6. Trade
7. Andre Drummond
8. Trade
9. Trade
10. Terrance Jones or Jared Sullinger

We hear over and over how Small Forward is the priority and Jones or Sullinger are good fits but where is the value in those guys?  I trust the Logo to do as he sees fit but until he tells me otherwise I’d like to see the pick(s) traded for an immediate consistent help if these are our choices.

8. Toronto Raptors: Dion Waiters / SG / Syracuse / Sophomore

Here comes the section none of us care about until we get close to the 30^th pick.  The Raptors suck on both sides of the ball so they might as well get someone who can score and excite all the hockey fans.

9. Detroit Pistons: Perry Jones / SF-PF / Baylor / Sophomore

The Pistons are paying Charlie Villanueva and Tayshaun Prince roughly $14 million a year to do basically nothing at this point.  It’s probably time to bring in a new tweener who will show just enough to get overpaid in four years and then lay down on them.  The best part of it is when he gets back up in year four during his contract season and convinces another team to do it all over again.  I love this game!

10.  New Orleans Hornets: Kendall Marshall / PG / North Carolina / Sophomore

On a team with so many offensive liabilities (Unibrow included) they are going to need a guy who can mask some of those deficiencies even if he is deficient himself.  I like the thought of him setting up Curry, Thompson, Lee and Bogut but I can’t help but think he’ll be taking just as much off the table as he puts on it.  He won’t be making anyone forget about Chris Paul.

This is what happens every time the Blazers spend a high pick on a big man

11. Portland Trailblazers: Tyler Zeller / C / North Carolina / Senior

Since the Blazers are clearly cursed when it comes to using high draft picks on young big men with limitless potential I think they’ll spend a late lottery pick on one that has experience with huge limits to his upside.

12. Milwaukee Bucks: Myers Leonard / C / Illinois / Sophomore

 This concludes the run on big, slow, limited, white men in the draft.  You know how these things go, when the first one goes everyone gets nervous and gets theirs while they can.  Andrew Bogut’s legacy in Milwaukee will be safe.

13. Phoenix Suns: Jared Sullinger / PF / Ohio St. / Sophomore

Sullinger is a good example of why you don’t go back to school after you are guaranteed to be a top five pick in the draft.  He cost himself a few million dollars with that move.  I don’t know what his major was but I’m sure it wasn’t business.

14. Houston Rockets:  Jeremy Lamb / SG / UCONN / Sophomore

Kevin Martin’s days are numbered in Houston and Lamb seems to offer more versatility.  I haven’t seen him play much but I’m sure his demeanor and shooting stroke won’t make you want to punch him like Martin does.

15. Philadelphia 76ers: Arnett Moultrie / PF / Mississippi State / Junior

We saw their ceiling during the playoffs so it’s time for the Sixers to start rebuilding.  They’re hoping it starts with a potential Elton Brand replacement.

16. Houston Rockets: Terrance Jones / PF / Kentucky / Sophomore

I don’t think they were happy with Marcus Morris last year so this year they’re taking the new and improved Marcus Morris 2.0.  You have to wonder what position Jones thinks he plays because nobody else seems to know.

Considering 00 played for Creighton I've got a feeling John Henson has a lot of this in his future

17. Dallas Mavericks: John Henson / PF /North Carolina / Junior

Brandan Wright, meet John Henson.  John Henson, meet Brandan Wright.  Now switch jerseys and lets see if anyone notices.

18. Minnesota Timberwolves: Terrance Ross / SG / Washington / Sophomore

The Wolves need a two guard so they can stop pretending like Wesley Johnson can play the position.

19. Orlando Magic: Moe Harkless / SF / St. Johns / Freshman

Since every Dwight Howard trade scenario involves the contingency called Hedo Terkoglu’s terrible contract this pick could be a short and long term upgrade at his spot.

20. Denver Nuggets: Royce White / SF / Iowa St. / Sophomore

This guy could replace Al Harrington’s pudgy ass right away and might be the steal of the draft if he doesn’t get arrested and isn’t too afraid to get on the team plane to away games; see Royce White, anxiety disorder.

21. Boston Celtics: Austin Rivers / SG / Duke/ Freshman

Talk about rigging a mock draft.  It’s too convenient to save Lil Doc for daddy.   I’m sure someone will take a chance on him before now but I’m just not a fan.  He can definitely replace what Ray Allen is giving them at this point but what is that?  He may turn out to be a hell of a player once he realizes he is not the man.

22. Boston Celtics: Fab Melo / C / Syracuse / Sophomore

The C’s probably wish they had Kendrick Perkins replacement this season instead of next when it’s too late.

23. Atlanta Hawks: Tony Wroten Jr. / PG / Washington / Freshman

Joe Johnson’s ridiculous contract (my name for him until he justifies at least half of it) will be happy to have a guy that wants the ball but someone will have to remind this kid the ball doesn’t have his name on it.

24. Cleveland Cavaliers: Doron Lamb / SG / Kentucky / Sophomore

Kyrie Irving needs a running mate in the backcourt and after this selection that will still be the case.

25. Memphis Grizzlies: Quincy Miller / SF / Baylor / Freshman

Many say he’d already be better than Perry Jones if he didn’t tear his ACL which makes me hope the Warriors don’t take Jones that much more.

26. Indiana Pacers: John Jenkins / SG / Vanderbilt / Junior

Indiana is very good for a team that can’t stretch the floor so adding one of the best shooters in the draft seems like solid logic to me.

27. Miami Heat: Draymond Green / SF / Michigan St. / Senior

Miami needs to replace Shane Battier’s rotting corpse so adding a Tom Izzo grad can’t hurt.  This team needs toughness and versatility outside of the big two and a half.  Maybe they can replace Mike Miller’s carcass in the 2013 draft.

28: Oklahoma City Thunder: Andrew Nicholson / PF / St. Bonaventure / Senior

San Antonio north wants high IQ, high efficiency guys who will can grow old with Durant and give Westbrook a reason to pass the ball every once in a while.

29. Chicago Bulls: Evan Fournier / SG / France

Because apparently Rip Hamilton died two years ago.  Where do I send flowers?

Why draft Sullinger when you can have this guy 20 picks later?  Bob Huggins has probably been paying him for years so it's almost like he already has pro experience.

30. Golden State Warriors: Kevin Jones / PF / West Virginia / Senior

High motor, Confident, passionate, polished and driven are labels I’ve seen attached to this guy.  I think he gives you more then Jared Sullinger for half the price.  Looking at him I get visions of David West and you could do much worse at #30.  If we don’t trade the picks I’d be happy to see this guy compete for minutes behind Lee.  Some other prospects that will get a look here are Andrew Nicholson if he’s still on the board, Vanderbilt big man Festus Ezeli (who looks like a taller, longer Ekpe Udoh) and Bay Area product Drew Gordon.

It’s been said that this is a deep draft (only for rotation players in my mind) but it strikes me as odd that I’m more excited for guys late in the first round then I am about those projected to go in the late lottery.  I won't be opposed to the age limit increase because I'm tired of having no idea what these guys will become in the league and I don't plan on being in the lottery next year (since the Jazz will have our pick) or for years after that.